You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry about my life...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
