He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
