SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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