party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
