I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
