What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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