Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
