I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
