all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
