Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
