i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
