my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you had me at cake vodka
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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