It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize