I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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