peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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