Got a toothbrush?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
