sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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