The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
