Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
