Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
