and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
