Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
