Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
