im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
