But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
