The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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