Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
