Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
