yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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