At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
