you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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