You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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