She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
