I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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