In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
