I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everything about him screamed your future.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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