mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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