if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
