Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
