Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
