Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
