I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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