Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize