He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
