I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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