I'm gonna have a badass scar
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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