Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
