I accidentally burped into my bong.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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