Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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