Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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