i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
