Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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