paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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