I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
