Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
