Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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