Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
