i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
