i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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