fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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