I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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