I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
