if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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