dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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