so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize