And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
