so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Randomize
