Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
