if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
