Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
