If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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