if i died would you start the facebook group?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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