I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
