do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
