I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
