Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize