Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
