Plan B is the new Plan A
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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