If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
