We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
