Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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