Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
