There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize