1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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