Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
