Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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