i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
