Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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