Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
