New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
