Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
