I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
