My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize