there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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