my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
