I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
